Paramore is my soundtrack.
I’ve hit rock bottom. I’m giving up all hope of ever getting out of this situation. I’m accepting my destiny which is none. I’m now controlled and unwilling of having a life that is mine to live. I have no option to quit this. The only thing I can count with is time, and wish it make easier to get by. It’s absolutely impossible to explain how I end up in this situation. It involve stuff that it’s ancient history in my life, stuff nobody cares, stuff people are not there to see happening, cause they don’t care about your family business shit. I don’t understand the word family anymore, or home, or love or anything else that involves people caring about you in any level. I now see the true colours of every single wish, hope and expectation I had in life about relatives. It was a sweet illusion. The only thing I can to do preserve my damage mental health to get even more screw up is to fake a happy smile, agree politely and do exactly what I’m told. I was undressed of what little I had in life, I have nothing and nowhere to go. I’m nobody and nothing. I’m a wreck of human being. There’s no hope for me. It hurst to acknowledge that but it’s real, and it’s the clean truth. I’m waste, a disappoint for them. I’m everything they hate. I’ll never be enough. I was never wanted in the first place.